


A Time to Hope

by estelraca



Category: GARO (TV)
Genre: Children, F/M, Family, Gen, Team as Family, Toku Big Bang 2015, soldier issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-01
Updated: 2015-07-01
Packaged: 2018-04-07 04:32:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,081
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4249416
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/estelraca/pseuds/estelraca
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The decision to start a family is never an easy one, especially when you know what monsters lurk in the shadows.  Thankfully Kaoru and Kouga have crafted a wonderful network of support for themselves.  Snapshots from before Saejima Raiga is born until he makes the decision that results in him becoming the smiling knight of hope.  Written for the Tokusatsu Big Bang 2015.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This was written for the Tokusatsu Big Bang. Please go check out the fanmix made for the story by borrowedphrases on the Dreamwidth site at http://tokubigbang.dreamwidth.org/, as well as all the other awesome works for the exchange!

_**-1: Just Cause** _

"Kaoru-sa..." Gonza's exultant shout turns into a bone-weary sigh as he opens the door. "Rei-san. Is it that time already? Please, come in, come in."

Wiping his boots off carefully on the rug in the foyer, Rei studies the butler. "I haven't disappoined someone that much with my mere existence in a very long time. I take it you were expecting Kaoru? Did she go out for something?"

For a second Gonza studies Rei, his face a blank mask, the perfect butler protecting his master's secrets. Then the mask cracks, and Rei can see clearly how worried he is. "Perhaps I shouldn't tell you this, but you _are_ family, and he tends to listen to and respect you."

Rei tries and fails to hide a blink and a smile at the easy, off-hand way in which Gonza declares him family. How strange, the way things can change—how you can go from hating someone to fighting beside them to part of the family. "I'd say he respects you more than he respects me. You've been with him all his life—assuming we're talking about Kouga."

"Respect isn't a competition." Gonza waves his right hand, as though brushing aside the issue. "And perhaps that's not the right way to word it. You have... a similar view of circumstances to Kouga. Perhaps that would be a better way of putting it."

"All right." Rei threads his thumbs into his belt loops, rising up on the balls of his feet. "And this similar view is supposed to help me explain to Kouga why he said something silly that upset Kaoru?"

"How did you..." Gonza trails off, a faint smile tugging the corners of his lips up. "You've really gotten to know the two of them quite well over the years, haven't you?"

"I owe the two of them my life. In a couple different meanings of the phrase." Rei shrugs. "Plus, if it's Kaoru who does something silly, she's usually back here within a few hours, apologizing. Maybe not happy, but apologizing and talking it out. Kouga, on the other hand, isn't always very good at figuring out where he went wrong."

"He's been down in his practice room for the last twelve hours." Gonza turns a baleful eye towards the room, and Rei is glad to not be the recipient of the glare. "For the three days before that he was going around closing every portal he could find after the watchdogs told him to go away, they would send for him if they had something they needed him for and his constant presence was annoying them."

"Sounds like Kouga." Rei winces in sympathy, imagining how tired and drained Kouga must feel by now—and recognizing the drive that's keeping the man moving, _doing_ something so that the emotions can't catch up to him. "So when did Kaoru leave?"

"Six days ago." Gonza glances down at his watch, and Rei has the distinct impression that the butler could probably tell him to the second exactly when she left. "She told Kouga she loved him but that there were some things she just couldn't countenance. I hadn't heard the bulk of the argument—I think it took place in their bedroom, early in the evening. Since then... nothing."

"Well, we can't have that." Drawing a deep breath, Rei heads for the stairs that will lead him to Kouga's practice room. "Mind getting tea ready while I talk to Kouga? I suspect we're both going to want some when this is over."

"Of course, Master Rei." Gonza inclines his head. "With sweets, I assume?"

Rei grins. Before he can answer Silva does it for him. "He knows you too well, Rei."

"Nonsense, my lady." Gonza smiles at the Madou tool, as he usually does. "Growing young men need their energy, after all."

Rei suspects he will be a _growing young man_ to Gonza for as long as the old butler lives, no matter how old he gets or how many Horrors he seals away or how many times he saves the world.

He... really doesn't mind, though. Whatever Gonza wants to think of him as, however Gonza wants to fold him into the fabric of this house and home, Rei is quite happy to allow him to do it.

Just as he is happy to accompany Kouga and Kaoru for tea at least once a month, though he would never have thought, once, that he could enjoy doing that.

Just as he never would have imagined, when he was training with all his might to be able to defeat the Golden Knight, that he would one day be offering relationship advice to Kouga. (Him, offering relationship advice to _anyone_ , is really a terrible idea, but somehow he seems to read people and situations better than the Golden Knight's bearer on occasion.)

"Strange how things change sometimes, huh, Silva?" Rei asks the question quietly as he slips down the stairs, purposefully making noise to alert Kouga to his presence.

Silva makes a sound of acknowledgement. "And sometimes that isn't a bad thing."

XXX

Kouga hears Rei's footsteps on the stairs and recognizes them immediately.

They aren't the footsteps he wants to hear, though, so he ignores them. There is nothing that Rei can tell him that he doesn't already know. He made a mistake—mispoke, though he's still not entirely sure what it was that he said that was so out of line. Kaoru has left, and until she comes back—because he will never, ever drag her back into this world if she doesn't want to come, would never do that to _anyone_ but especially not to Kaoru—he is going to do everything he can to distract himself from the aching emptiness that haunts the house where she should be.

Strange, how easily he got used to her presence.

Strange, how different this absence is from others she's taken—from her travels over-seas, from her book-signing tours, from her travels as a speaker for children's schools. Some of it is the lack of calls—even when she was traveling, she would call him often, talk to either him or Gonza, make sure that he is all right—but it's more than that. It's an emptiness in the shape of her, a haunting of his room and her study and the kitchen and the dining room and the gardens and _everywhere_ that she has touched and—

"If that were actually a Horror, you'd be well and truly dead by now."

Giving the swinging blade one last strike for good measure, Kouga steps out of the way and turns to face Rei. "Thanks for the encouragement."

"Oh, he's learned sarcasm!" Rei claps his hands. "We are making so much forward progress, it's amazing."

Grabbing a towel that Gonza left for him, Kouga wipes the sweat from his face and tries to get his breathing back under control. "Do you have a job for me?"

"No. And if I did, I wouldn't give it to you right now." All hint of levity disappears from Rei's face—a trick that he can do easily, switching from teasing to deathly serious, one that Kouga has never quite managed to get the hang of. "I wasn't joking when I said that a Horror right now would have no trouble killing you. Your form was a mess. You're exhausted to the point where you can barely hold your sword properly."

"It's not that bad." Sheathing his sword, Kouga slides down against the wall, finally managing to draw a deep breath. "I've been working for..."

He has no idea how long he's been working for, actually.

"Twelve hours, give or take, by Gonza's count. Which means he's been down here what, three times, four times, trying to get you to eat?" Rei settles onto his heels in front of Kouga. "Did you?"

Has it really been that long? He supposes Gonza has been down multiple times, suggesting that Kouga take a break and eat, but Kouga doesn't want to. If he eats, he'll think of Kaoru; if he sleeps, he'll dream of her. Not that working has done all that good a job of keeping him from missing her, but at least—

"Kouga?" Rei waves a hand in front of his eyes, and there is honest concern in his voice now. "You all right?"

"Kaoru left me." Kouga raises his right hand, places it over his eyes. He doesn't want to watch Rei as he admits this, but there's no point hiding it.

"Yeah, I know. Gonza told me." Rei rocks back and forth on the balls of his feet, the leather of his boots creaking. "Don't worry so much about it. Whatever you did, we'll figure out where you went wrong, you'll tell her you're sorry, and—"

"I asked her to have a child with me." Kouga presses his hand more firmly to his eyes, though there are no tears in the burning there, just an empty, scorching heat. "And she left me."

"Oh." Rei doesn't quite fall down. He carefully, meticulously moves from poised in front of Kouga to resting against the wall next to him. Kouga doesn't have to see Rei to know that he's sitting like Kouga is, his knees up, his back to the wall—a defensible position, a Knight's position, a physical manifestation of emotional injury. "You... you wanted to be a father, huh?"

"Yes." Kouga whispers the word, allowing his hand to fall. "I... love her, Rei."

"That may very well be the understatement of the year." Rei gives a breathless laugh, though there's very little actual humor in it. "And she... really doesn't want to be a mother that badly?"

"She said..." Kouga studies his hand, drawing a deep breath as he tries to sort through the conversation that went so very badly so very quickly. "She seemed... excited, at first. Nervous, but excited. Asked me what you just did—if I was ready to be a father, to have someone depend on me."

"Yeah, kind of a big deal."

"Is it really?" Kouga leans his head back, studying the shadow-draped ceiling. "We're reponsible for a great many people all the time, Rei. It's what being a Knight is about—duty, responsibility."

"There's a difference between a Knight's duty and responsibility, which mainly involves killing things while not dying—or turning evil..." Rei adds the addendum as though it were an afterthought, but Kouga can feel the way his body tenses, proof of the way that age-old battle has scarred his friend. "Being a father... let's just say there are a lot of guys who make great Knights but I wouldn't give them a baby unless they were literally the only other person left alive aside from me."

Kouga can feel the tiniest smile play at the corners of his mouth. "And where do I fit on your list?"

"While you're not at the absolute top of my should-have-kids..." Rei turns, and there is an easy smile on his face—a smile Kouga was jealous of, once, before they fell into the camaraderie and rivalry that defines their relationship now. "You're pretty darn close to it. And Kaoru would make a great mom. So how did things get so... messy?"

"I don't know." Kouga lowers his eyes to the floor. "When she said she was a little nervous, I said that I thought we were ready. That she would be a fantastic mother and I would be very happy to have an apprentice for Garo—"

"You _what_?"

From the piercing note of sheer disbelief in Rei's voice, Kouga knows that's where he went wrong. He was fairly certain that was the point, anyway—it had been after that the conversation with Kaoru devolved into her walking away from him while yelling increasingly frustrated diatribes about his lack of proper socialization and interpersonal skills—but he still doesn't understand _why_. "I _am_ eager to have an apprentice for the Garo armor."

"Oh, Kouga." Rei buries his head in his hands. "That's not why you want a child, is it?"

"Not _just_ for that reason, no." Kouga frowns. "But it's _part_ of the reason, yes. It's what we _do_ , Rei. It's what my grandfather did with my father; what my father did with me. We train our sons to take up the armor after us."

Given that he's one of the more prestigious Knights currently working, Kouga thinks it's distinctly unfair that Rei's response is to roll his eyes. "Did you think that maybe, just maybe, you would have a daughter?"

"And if I did, then Jabi or Rekka would teach her." It's obvious, of course—what else would a child of his do? How else would she be kept safe from all that lurks in the shadows of the world, if she doesn't know how to fight back against them with her own two hands? "Or... I don't know, perhaps she'll be the first woman to become Garo."

Rei just continues to stare at him. "You can imagine _that—_ you can imagine breaking thousands of years of tradition—"

"Tradition that has hurt my friends and yours."

Rei lifts a hand. "No, we're not getting into that right now. You can imagine breaking tradition, but you can't imagine them _not being a part of this world_."

Kouga blinks. "I... what?"

"Kouga, I could be completely wrong—kids and permanent homes and planning futures is way, _way_ outside anything I am good at—but I'm guessing _that's_ what upset Kaoru." Rei rolls up onto his feet, pacing in front of Kouga. "You're acting as though having a kid with her is just another thing to check off on the Garo duty list. 'Save world, eat dinner, train heir to save world.' Kaoru isn't _from_ this world—she wasn't born into it, she doesn't _see_ it like that."

"That's not how _I_ see it, either." Kouga stands, as well, though all his muscles are starting to ache and cramp. "I want a child with Kaoru because she's _Kaoru_ , because this is our _family_. I want someone who combines her and me and is something _better_ , something new and beautiful and full of _hope_."

"That's one of the longest speeches I've ever heard you give, and it was really quite beautiful, but _I'm_ not the one who needs to hear it. Did you _tell_ her that?" Rei spreads his arms. "Did you tell her that what you wanted was _her_ , that it wasn't about _this_?"

"They're _intertwined_." Kouga gestures with his right arm, taking in the practice equipment, the floor that will never not smell at least a bit of blood. "To be a part of _me_ is to be a part of this."

"Not the best parts. Not the most important." Rei shakes his head, and there is utter certainty in his stance, in his face, in his voice. "Kouga, trust me— _you_ are far more than just Garo, and Garo is only as important as it is, as _powerful_ and _good_ as it is, because of you."

Kouga doesn't know what to say to that, how to respond, so he ignores it. "Garo is my calling. Defeating Horrors is my job. If I have a child, they'll grow up in this world—knowing what's out there, knowing that there really _are_ monsters that hide in the shadows and the closet and under the bed. They can't _not_ be a part of it."

"You can still give them a _choice—_ a chance. Like Kaoru had. An opportunity to walk away, if they want, rather than just trapping them into this life. If they don't want it, take on someone else to train for Garo—like I was trained for my armor."

"And you... think that's what Kaoru wanted?" Kouga frowns, trying to replay the conversation again, but all the pieces have been jumbled from his picking through it too many times. "For me to say I would give them a choice?"

"That or she was horrified by the possibility of being a widow and the mother of the heir to Garo at the same time." Rei shrugs. "Not that I'm planning on letting you die anytime soon. Not until I've beat you."

"I... think I understand, at least a little bit." Kouga nods. "But... if she doesn't come back..."

Rei laughs, reaching forward to bump his fist against Kouga's shoulder. "It's _Kaoru._ And _you_. She may be a little bit upset right now, but she'll be back. I would bet you a thousand yen she'll be back."

Kouga narrows his eyes. "Why would I take that bet? I would be betting against what I want to have happen."

What he desperately wants to have happen, but seeing the way Rei is so certain helps to lighten his own heart and mood.

Rei grins. "See? Even the Golden Knight is capable of learning. Now come on, Gonza's making us tea and I don't want to miss it."

XXX

She manages to stay away for a week.

It takes all of her endurance—and it isn't even really _away_ , not in the sense that she _usually_ means away, because instead of escaping from Kouga's world back into the almost-sane one of book publishing and cheap hotels she goes to Jabi.

Tells Jabi what Kouga said, amidst a fall of tears and with a voice that shakes with as much anger as sorrow, and waits for Jabi to tell her that Kouga is just saying what is true for them.

Jabi doesn't, though. Jabi waits for her to be done, and strokes her hair, and tells her that Kouga can sometimes be a little slow on the uptake but that he is, overall, a good man.

Which are all very true things, things she very firmly believes herself, but don't really help her with her current problem.

A week living on Jabi's living room floor, watching Rin study, watching young priests and knights train (watching Rin tease Tsubasa, and mothers hug their children, and seeing Kouga's world when it isn't so limited to fighting and death and horror), and by the end of it Kaoru is ready to go back to Kouga but she isn't ready to yield ground on their argument.

She finds Kouga sitting in the living room, sipping a cup of tea. He looks tired, but not exhausted, like she had half-feared she would find him. "Kouga. Hi."

"Hello, Kaoru." He stands with that easy fighter's grace that he has, crossing the room until he is barely an arm's length from her. "Welcome home."

"It's good to be home." And it _is_ , as the stupid tears prickling at her eyes tell her, but she blinks them away furiously. "Sorry I left so quickly. I just... got upset."

"I know." Kouga holds out his hand, covering half the distance between them. "I said... things I shouldn't have. Implied things I didn't mean to."

Kaoru reaches out with her own hand, linking her fingers slowly with his. She hadn't expected him to understand so easily. "I love you, Kouga. So much that it frightens me sometimes... a lot of times."

"Because I'm Garo?"

"Because loving someone else that much is always frightening." She smiles as she looks away from his eyes. "And yes, because loving Garo like that means wondering most mornings if you're going to come back."

Kouga's free hand reaches up, brushes gently against her cheek. "I always have so far."

"And I hope you always will." Her smile wavers with her voice. "But if we're going to have a child, I want that to be a _choice_ for them. For whoever they are, for a girl or a boy. They can be a painter or a writer or an accountant or a... a salaryman or... anything they want to be. Including Garo. But they won't be _stuck_ being Garo. All right?"

Kouga nods. "All right."

Kaoru blinks again. "Just... like that?"

"Just like that." Kouga gives that tiny, honest, adorable smile of his as his fingers cup against her cheek. "I talked to Rei about this, and to Gonza a bit when Rei left."

"Oh, _damn_ , I forgot it was our tea week!" Kaoru blushes, lowering her eyes again. "Was he too upset with me for being gone?"

"I think he was more upset with me for upsetting you." Another small smile from Kouga, and Kaoru continues to blush, but this time for a different reason. He can be such a beautiful and charming man, in his own reserved, sometimes-awkward way. "But mostly he was just Rei—bright and cheerful and quite happy to tell me where he thought I had failed."

Bright and cheerful over depths that could be dark as pitch, but Kaoru can easily picture Rei and Kouga trying to fumble their way to an understanding of what happened, and the image makes her smile. "And... you're not too angry with me?"

"I'm glad you're safe and deeply honored that you decided to return to me." Kouga leans forward, pressing a gentle chaste kiss to her forehead. "I love you, Kaoru. I have loved you for a very long time, and I will continue to love you for an even longer time. I would very much like to start a family with you—to have a child with you, be it a son or a daughter, an heir to Garo or an artist who will shield the world from Horrors with his brush as surely as you do."

Kaoru presses her body closer to his, feeling the warmth of him through his makai outfit, the strength and steel. "Or anything else they want to be."

"Or anything else they want to be." His hand rises, strokes gently through her hair. "They will be _ours_ , a combination of you and me, and they will be absolutely fantastic, no matter what they become."

It's what she's wanted to hear, since he first suggested what she had never thought Kouga would suggest. She had thought about it, of course—who wouldn't, after all they've been through and all they've created together in this house that is far too big for the two of them and Gonza, that only feels full when some combination of Rei and Rekka and Jabi and Tsubasa and Leo is also here? But to hear _him_ say it, to hear him say that he wants _their child_ , not Garo's heir but something magical that they make...

Rising up on her tiptoes, Kaoru presses a kiss to Kouga's mouth that is decidedly unchaste.

Loving a Makai Knight isn't easy. She is certain that raising someone in the shadow of their dangerous, beautiful, terrifying world won't be, either, but she thinks that with Kouga's help, she's finally ready to try.


	2. Chapter 2

_**0: De Novo** _

"I'm sure everything's going fine." Rei paces from one end of the living room to the other, again, surprised to see that he hasn't worn a hole in the carpet yet. "They would tell us if it wasn't. Just a little bit longer, and then you'll get to see the monstrosity you helped create."

Kouga doesn't respond to him, but Rei hadn't really expected him to. Kouga has been sitting in his seat, back straight, hands clasped in his lap, eyes fixed on the hallway that leads to his bedroom, for the last three hours. Rei is certain that he has to hurt by now, but Kouga doesn't show any signs of moving or of speaking in the near future.

"Giving birth can take anything from hours to a full day, even when there aren't complications." Leo is sprawled in another chair, a cup of tea at his side. A pile of books is situated on the table beside his tea, a curious combination of what are clearly leather-bound makai priest books and collections of mass-market number and word puzles that Gonza picked up earlier in the day.

"That is really not helpful right now, Leo." Rei turns an exasperated glare on the other Knight.

"But it's true." Leo blinks up at him.

"But it's not _helpful_." Rei tries to surreptitiously gesture towards Kouga's rigid frame, and isn't sure if the knight-priest picks up on his meaning or not. "Also _how_ are you so relaxed about this? How do you _know_ that it can take forever?"

" _I_ know it can take a day, especially for a first birth." Kouga's voice is low and scratchy, and Rei thinks if his jaw were clenched any tighter his teeth would start breaking. "It's one of the things the doctor kept reassuring us about."

Rei pities whatever poor doctor has been having to deal with Kaoru and Kouga for the last few months. Crossing his arms, he forces his body down into a chair on the other side of Kouga from Leo. When he speaks, his voice is quiet and holds more of a pout than he intended it to. "Still doesn't explain why Leo knows."

"I'm a Makai Priest." Leo straightens a bit in his seat, setting down the book of puzzles that he was working on. "Well, was a makai priest. It's one of the things we do."

_That_ earns the briefest of glances from Kouga, though he immediately turns back to his silent vigil without saying anything.

"Wait, _what_?" Rei isn't quite as prepared to just accept that. "You've helped with births before? Really? Even though you're..."

Leo raises one eyebrow. "Male? Yes. Not often, but there are basic spells for controlling pain and healing that all priests know, and they help during births. A lot of our villages don't have much so far as modern medicine goes—not many doctors who would understand our lifestyle—so having all the priests trained in the basics is one of the ways we minimize complications."

"Huh." Rei supposes he would have learned that, some day, if his life had proceeded as originally intended. If he'd been a Knight and a husband and a father, fully wrapped into the world of the makai priests and knights, giving not only his own flesh and blood but another generation's as payment to keep the darkness at bay.

Right now he has no intentions of settling down and fathering children, though. He's honestly been trying to avoid thinking too much about what's going to happen in the future as he's watched Kaoru's body change, abdomen expanding month to month with the new life that seems to make both her and Kouga breathlessly, stupidly happy.

A new life that could—probably won't, because there are two makai priests and a fully normal mortal midwife currently in the room with her—take Kaoru's life if anything goes wrong.

Not that it's likely to. But given the way their luck frequently runs...

A book bounces off the side of his head, and Rei snatches it out of the air, turning with a surprised frown.

Kouga is suppressing a smile, though he still holds himself taut, as though his tension and determination could help Kaoru through this.

Leo is holding out a pencil to go along with the little sudoku book that he threw at Rei. "Race you to see who finishes one faster."

Rei blinks, then grabs the pencil from Leo's hand and tries to force his focus onto the puzzle.

The best thing he can do for Kouga and Kaoru right now is relax, and he's going to do that if it kills him.

XXX

"Oh why why _why—_ " Kaoru whimpers as another contraction steals her breath away. " _Why_ did I want to do this?"

"Because you love Kouga and you'll love his child." Jabi has her right hand in a firm grip.

"Because you're an idiot." Rekka is holding her left hand, staring down at Kaoru's abdomen with what seems to still be absolutely horrified fascination, though this is the fifth or sixth hour of her labor.

Kaoru laughs, though there's a slightly hysterical note to it. "And that is why I wanted you here, Rekka, because you'll always tell me the truth."

"No sense in lying." Rekka smiles at her, though it's a hesitant, uncertain expression. "Hey, Satomi, how're things going?"

"Quite well." Satomi, the midwife that Kaoru hired, is in her forties, a few strands of grey hair starting to show among the black. She has been an invaluable font of assistance over the last few months, and has handled everything related to Rekka, Jabi, and the three Knights currently driving Gonza insane with aplomb. "You're very dilated, and I think we'll be seeing the head crown soon. I would say another hour, maybe two, and we'll have a child."

A child.

An unknown entity, something completely different from her and Kouga though crafted from a combination of them, and as another contraction builds Kaoru wonders, not for the first time, if this is a good idea.

It's wonderful, the idea of a child, but it's also terrifying, and this part is _painful_ , though the symbols that Jabi and Rekka drew on the floor and on Kaoru herself are helping tremendously.

She doesn't know if the baby will be a boy or a girl. She had decided that she didn't want to know, that she wanted to keep it as ambiguous as possible, to keep Kouga from getting too set into any ideas about who and what their child will be. Not that buying the baby these extra nine months to be free of expectations will change anything, in the long run—not that it will change what Kouga will blithely expect, though he is _trying_ , so hard, not to give in to what he has always just accepted as true.

"Good. You're doing just fine, Kaoru." Satomi gives Kaoru a tiny, motherly smile, and even though a part of Kaoru wants to punch her for it, another part is grateful to the woman. There are only so many midwives who would just nod and smile at the priests and knights as they wander about in their clothes, a combination of battle armor and culture that clearly marks them as different from most. Kaoru had explained Kouga's outfit and bizarre extended family as a combination of religion (so that there will be no questions about the symbols drawn in chalk on the floor or if the makai priests decide to pull out their wands) and being from an isolated mountain community. Satomi had accepted the explanation, and hasn't commented on anything, getting along remarkably well with both priests.

The worst thing about childbirth is the _boredom_ mixed in with the pain. Kaoru is not usually the kind of person who can sit for hours doing nothing, but drawing is not an option, and she sincerely doubts her ability to focus on any narrative when her body is attempting to rip itself in half every few minutes.

"It will pass." Jabi's hand squeezes hers. "And then the true challenge will begin."

" _That—_ " Kaoru gasps in a breath, frowning at the woman. "Is _not_ helpful."

Jabi's smile is wicked. "And here I thought you wanted us to be truthful, not helpful."

She wants them to be both. They _are_ both, and Kaoru is glad to have them here, to have a balance between the life that she once had and the life that she now chose helping to welcome her child—her and _Kouga's_ child—into the world.

Another interminable period of waiting, and Jabi and Rekka hold her hands and make her laugh and breathe spells through their brushes that take the worst of the edge of pain away while Satomi watches, impassive, any hint of censure very carefully hidden.

And then another contraction, harder than the rest, a series of fierce tensings of her whole _body_ , and in a breath-taking moment that Kaoru can't find the words to even _describe_ the pain ebbs and a different, tiny, hesitant scream fills the room.

"A boy." Satomi cleans the squalling red infant's mouth, wipes him down with quick, practiced motions, swaddles him, and places him in Kaoru's hands.

She doesn't remember letting go of Jabi's hand, of Rekka's hand. She doesn't remember accepting the baby into her arms, but there he _is_ , cradled against her chest, and she looks up in startled bewilderment.

"Beautiful." Jabi speaks the word with utter serenity, smiling at Kaoru as she does.

"No." Rekka shakes her head, reaching out to poke the tiny child's hand. "No baby is beautiful, and this is no exception. Strong, though. Loud. The best of you and Kouga."

Satomi moves up on Rekka's side of the bed, apparently instinctively knowing that to challenge Jabi for space is a losing battle. Not that challenging Rekka is usually much more successful, but the fierce warrior-woman is clearly a bit out of her depth here and yields to the older woman. "Here. Let him nurse. It will be good for him and for you while the afterbirth passes. Once that's done, if you'd like me to bring your husband and the others in...?"

Kaoru draws a deep breath, finding her heart-rate doubles as she imagines Kouga coming in and seeing, for the first time, the tiny life that they've created. "Yes, please. I mean... once I'm covered again. Once he's done."

"Of course." Satomi inclines her head. "Shall I tell him that it's a healthy boy?"

"No." Kaoru shakes her head. "Tell him that it's a healthy child, but let me tell Kouga it's a boy. And the others. But... yes. I'd like to see them. I'd like them to see him."

"Very good."

Rekka is grinning widely as she reclaims her position at Kaoru's side and reaches out to stroke thin wisps of black hair from the baby's forehead. "I'm going to enjoy seeing Kouga's head explode at this. It's going to be great."

XXX

The baby is cradled against Kaoru's chest, and they are the best thing that Kouga has ever seen.

Kaoru looks exhausted, her dark hair held back and up on her head in some complicated fashion but still sweat-streaked, her cheeks flushed. But she also looks _happy_ , her mouth curving in a wide, honest smile, and Kouga finds himself just staring at her for several seconds until the baby moves.

So small.

For another long second Kouga just stands in the doorway, unmoving, watching the tiny hand wave in uncoordinated circles as barely-audible burbles come from the child's mouth.

"Kouga?" Rei's finger taps against his shoulder. "Are you going to get out of the doorway so we can come in, or do we have to go around to the window?"

"I..." Kouga takes a step forward, enough to clear the door, and then stops again, still caught by the magical tableau before him.

Rei and Leo don't seem similarly impeded. Leo walks up to Jabi's side, while Rei walks to Rekka. Wiggling his fingers in front of the baby, Rei starts making the most ridiculous sounds. Leo, at least, is speaking properly to Kaoru, though Kouga can't quite make out what his words mean.

"Kouga." There's a note of exasperation in Kaoru's voice as she gingerly sits up a bit straighter. "Come see our child, Kouga."

Kouga moves forward slowly, hand in front of him. The world has a curious feel to it—an unreality, as though he could step wrong and walk through an illusion into some other, terrible world. As though this picture—the woman he loves and many of the friends he has worked hard to earn and keep over the years and the _child_ that is _his—_ is too good to be real.

"It's a boy, Kouga." Kaoru smiles up at him, looking more hesitant than she had before. Somehow Jabi and Leo have moved Kouga up to the edge of the bed, are keeping him there by pressing around him to maintain their places by Kaoru and the child. "Our son."

"Our son." Kouga breathes out the world as he reaches out one hand and gently—so very gently, a touch that is as soft as breath, a touch that he carefully controls—runs his fingers over his son's forehead.

(He does not say _Garo's inheritor_ , though he sees an image, an impossible, miraculous image of this child grown and strong and taking up the armor in his place. He will let the child grow and choose, and he will not hurt Kaoru like that again.)

"Have Kouga hold him." Rei smiles across the bed at him.

Kouga glares back at his fellow Knight. "I think—"

"That it's a brilliant idea." Jabi slides the words in before Kouga can finish his sentence. "Assuming you're all right with it, Kaoru?"

Kaoru nods, and Kouga finds himself holding very, very still as the small child is bundled into his arms. Why is _he_ not asked if he's all right with this?

Not that he would say he _isn't_. He has practiced this, after all, because Kaoru and the doctors insisted. He has held dolls, knowing all the time that the weight is wrong, that the heft is wrong, that the sense of _life_ is missing. He has held children before, anyway, though never so young or tiny or vulnerable as this one.

His son.

Kaoru's son.

"Raiga." He breathes out the name, glancing to Kaoru for confirmation. They had several names short-listed for both boys and girls, and he _thinks_ this is the one they settled on.

"Raiga." Kaoru grins again, and it pushes some of the exhaustion away, makes her look even more beautiful.

"I am very pleased to meet you, Raiga." Kouga strokes the tip of his index finger down the child's cheek. "And so is the rest of your family."

Kouga can feel the moment's hesitation, the uncertainty in the room as Rekka and Jabi and Rei and Leo look from him to Kaoru to each other.

And he can hear the smiles, feel the acceptance of the phrase—in Jabi's arm on his shoulder, in Leo's taking of the child's hand, in Rei's soft laugh and Rekka's disbelieving snort.

They are a family, these people he has gathered about him.

They are the hope he has for Raiga's future—the hope for the future of humanity, and the hope for a future for his child and Kaoru if something happens to Kouga.

But right now—for a few minutes, as Gonza wheels in a tray with tea and small snacks—they are _happy_ , and for those who fight Horrors, that is often the most precious thing in the world.


	3. Chapter 3

_**3: Damages** _

Rei wakes somewhere with a white ceiling and fluffy white curtains on the bed.

Since his current apartment has neither—he's never really been fond of white, or lace, and definitely not the combination—he knows he isn't home.

He isn't dead, though, so he likely didn't screw things up _too_ badly. Unless he's been captured by the enemy. Probably there are Horrors out there who like white and lace. Rei isn't sure he wants to meet one—certainly not one who thinks that this is how he should decorate places he keeps captives, really, Rei would like to die with _some_ dignity if at all possible—but given the range of humanity and the monsters that they thus bring forth, he's certain it's possible.

"Rei?"

Nope, not in the monster's den.

Possibly it would be nicer if he _were_ , because he really doesn't want to face the woman that goes with that voice right now as bits and pieces of how he came to be here filter back to him. Had he _really_ made such a simple mistake? Even a green Knight should have been able to see that blow coming and dodge accordingly.

He'd been _tired_ , though, running on empty after a good fortnight of continuous hunting without a solid night's sleep or decent meal's worth of food. Next time Silva tells him he needs to sit down and really _eat_ instead of living off of coffee, soda, and desserts that give him the quick energy boost his Makai Knight body needs to keep functioning he will probably listen.

All right, given him and his habits maybe not, but he will at least think more carefully about listening.

"Rei?" Kaoru's voice again, and this time there is a gentle hand on his forehead, as well, removing a cloth that he hadn't even noticed was there. "Can you hear me?"

"Of course I can, Kaoru." Turning his head—slowly, because every movement _aches_ in muscles that he didn't even know he _had—_ Rei offers the woman a smile. "Hi."

"Hi yourself." Kaoru smiles at him, but it's a thin, tired expression—similar to the one she wore when Raiga had chicken pox and no one in the house slept for more than an hour at a time, everyone focused on keeping the tiny, itching, feverish, unhappy child comfortable. "You gave us quite the scare, you know."

"Sorry." Rei means it, too. He didn't intend to end up injured and here. He's not actually entirely sure how he ended up _here_ , though he has vague recollections of seeing Garo close with the Horror after it threw Rei through a wall or ten. "Kouga all right?"

"Kouga's fine. _Kouga_ is not the one who just spent the last three nights unconscious." One nice thing about Kaoru is that she usually doesn't make him guess when she's unhappy with him. It shows in her voice and her face and the tension of her hand, though her fingers are still gentle on his forehead. "Kouga said _you_ should have been fine, that you should have been able to handle that Horror on your own without any trouble. What happened, Rei?"

Rei turns his head the other way, ignoring the twinges in his neck as he does. "I made a mistake. We all do, every now and then. Could've happened to anyone."

"You're right, everyone _does_ make mistakes." Kaoru continues to touch him, her fingers warm on his head, her touch so wonderfully comforting. "But sometimes you do things that make it more likely that you make mistakes. Like not sleeping. Like not eating. Like trying to expand the territory you're covering beyond what any one Knight could possibly handle."

Rei's hands ball into fists, rumpling the smooth, slick fabric of the sheets covering him. His shirt and jacket are missing, he notes absently, and someone has swathed his chest in bandages.

"Rei..." Kaoru sighs, and there is the scrape of a chair as she stands, her fingers disappearing from his forehead.

He wasn't expecting her to give up so easily, and he turns his head back to watch the door. She left it open, giving him a view of the corridor beyond. It's a very well-tended corridor, lacking dust and cobwebs, but it doesn't have any of the touches he has come to associate with Kouga's home since Kaoru moved in. There are no decals sliding down from the ceiling, no pictures on the wall—what abandoned corner guest room has he been hidden away in?

A ball goes rolling down the corridor, and a second later a child with dark hair goes tottering after it.

_Raiga_.

Rei doesn't say his name. How swiftly the tiny child has grown into a gangly, energetic toddler who can't be contained by walls—at least if half of Kouga's stories are true.

Raiga pauses in the doorway, peering in with eyes that look so much like Kaoru's it hurts, his tiny right fist moving to his mouth as he sucks on his fingers. "Uncle Rei?"

At least Rei is fairly certain it's his name that's said. The words are slightly slurred by fingers, but there are really only so many things that _should_ be said when looking into a room with an invalid, right?

"Hi there, Raiga." Rei smiles at the boy, begins to sit up, and decides to stay lying down when he realizes that passing out or screaming in front of the child would probably earn him a tongue-lashing from both parents. "What're you doing?"

Raiga considers the question for a moment before pointing at where the ball lies. "Ball."

"It's a very colorful ball." Rei can't help smiling at the utterly serious way in which the boy announces his play. "Are you having fun?"

"Yes." Raiga nods emphatically, tottering into the room. Rei is struck again by how awkward children's walks are, how even those who will grow to become graceful—and he can't imagine any child of Kouga and Kaoru _not_ being graceful—still seem unable to tell exactly where their feet are at certain ages. "Lots of fun. Are you going to die, Uncle Rei?"

"I..." Rei blinks, caught off guard, unsure how one even begins answering a question like that from a three-year-old. Probably with the truth, to begin with. "Not right now, Raiga. I'm going to be just fine right now."

"Good." Raiga gives a heart-felt sigh. "Can I be loud now then?"

"Ah..." Rei considers how Kaoru and Kouga will react to whatever he decides to say and knows there's only one proper response. "Be as loud as you want."

"Yay!" Raiga runs and grabs his ball, bringing it back to Rei and presenting it shyly. "Play with me?"

Rei lifts his right arm, slowly and carefully. "Sure, buddy. Let's see what I can do."

XXX

Raiga grows bored and wanders off after only fifteen minutes or so, and Rei can't blame him. When Rei can only really throw the ball in one direction and with a limited range without grimacing, and is absolutely incapable of catching it when it's thrown at him, he's not much of a playing partner.

Kouga replaces him after only a minute or two, confirming Rei's suspicions that the child hadn't really been wandering around completely on his own.

"Kouga." Rei smiles up at Kouga, hating the fact that he can't manage to sit up and face Kouga properly. "Seems I owe you my life. Again."

"You owe me a bit more than that, Rei." Kouga frowns, the softest sign of disapproval that he can give because it is such a slight difference from his normal stoic expression. "You owe me an explanation of _why_."

"Thought I explained that to Kaoru." Rei mutters out the words. "I made a mistake, all right? I'm sorry. It won't happen again."

"No, it won't." Kouga takes another step closer to the bed. "I had to tell Raiga that you might not wake up, Rei. I had to tell my _three-year-old child_ that the uncle he loves dearly, the uncle he always wants to see, the uncle sleeping in a guest bedroom just like usual, might not wake up."

"I didn't—"

"He had nightmares." Kouga takes another step closer. "We had to move you down here because if we didn't we were afraid that he was going to _hurt you_ because he kept trying to climb into bed with you when you were in your usual room."

"That's not what I wanted!" Rei tries to sit up, a move that he immediately regrets, doubling up as pain flares through the left side of his chest.

Kouga helps him settle back so that he doesn't hurt quite so much, and Rei figures that means he isn't really _too_ angry with him.

"Rei..." Kouga has picked up Kaoru's sigh. "What are you trying to do?"

"You already know." Rei gives a half-smile, because shrugging would _definitely_ be a bad idea.

"I don't need to be _protected_." Kouga practically snarls out the words, the most angry emotion Rei has seen in him since... since Sigma. "I'm the _Golden Knight_. We're friends and we're partners. You don't need to try to keep me _sa—_ "

"You hated explaining that _I_ might die, how do you think Kaoru would feel telling him that his _father_ died?" Rei's hand has fisted in Kouga's shirt without his intending it to, but he doesn't let go, keeping his eyes fixed on Kouga. "We're seeing the most Horrors we've seen in _years_ , and something big might be coming up, and you've got a _kid_ and if I can do anything to help keep you from being hurt, to help keep you here _with them—_ "

"Rei, _no_." Kouga's hand covers his. "No. _I_ am not worth more than _you_."

Rei has to laugh at that, though it causes his chest to ache deeply. "Kouga, we both know _that's_ not true. Garo is a legend, but even more than Garo, _you're_ a legend. The things you've done... the things you've helped _drive_... the world needs you. Kaoru needs you. Raiga needs you."

"And I need _you_." Kouga's hand presses gently against Rei's chest. "Kaoru needs _you_. Do you have any idea how much she looks forward to your visits? _Raiga_ needs you. _I_ have to set rules and discipline him; _you're_ the fun crazy uncle who lets him eat ice cream all the time."

"Not my fault he likes ice cream more than that stuff Kaoru tries to get him to eat."

"He's _three_ , Rei." Kouga smiles, though, some of the tension draining from his body. "And he may not grow up to have the metabolism that you have—"

"Depends on if he's a Knight or not, and if he's not at least he'll get to enjoy what he eats—"

" _Rei_." Kouga can pack more exasperation into one syllable than most people can into a spiel.

"All right, I may have bitten off a bit more than I could handle. I _thought_ I could manage it." That was how most of his spectacular failures started, actually. "But everything just kept piling up, one thing after another, and I didn't want to have to admit that I'd stretched myself too thin and then... well... I went left when I should have gone right."

"I saw that part."

"How?" Rei pokes at the bandage that is currently covering what he suspects is a worse wound than he initially thought. "How'd you know I was in trouble?"

"I didn't. I was going to yell at you about encroaching on my territory—"

"You're not _actually_ a wolf, you know—"

"Because I was _worried_ about you, and it turns out it's a good thing I was." Kouga's hand covers his on the bandage. "I never want to see you hurt like that again, Rei."

"I never want to _be_ hurt like this again."

"So let me keep doing my job. If we all do our share of the work, likelihood of us all surviving increases, right?" Kouga taps against the bandage.

Rei considers Kouga's words for a moment before sighing. "Promise you'll survive?"

"Wasn't it you who told me how dangerous it was to promise something like that?"

Rei shrugs. "Yeah, well, I also told you that having a child was a terrible idea."

"No, you told me that I would make a fantastic father and that Kaoru would make a fantastic mother."

"Turns out I was right."

"You are incorrigible. And wonderful." Kouga removes his hand, fingers closing into a slow fist. "And Kaoru and I are both very glad you're alive."

"I'll try really hard to stay that way."

Kouga nods as he turns and heads for the door. "So will I. And Rei..."

Rei looks at him questioningly.

"We've talked about it. Kaoru and I." Kouga reaches out with his left hand, resting against the door. "The bearer of Garo doesn't retire. He doesn't die in his sleep. We know what's going to happen one day. But not today. Not tomorrow. Not soon. As far in the future as we can manage, and I want that to be true for my friends, as well."

"You could." It's a foolish thing to say—a foolish thing to want to promise. Rei knows as well as Kouga how Knights die. "Retire. Die old and happy in your sleep. You're _Saejima Kouga._ You're Garo. You're... hope."

"And _you're_ high on painkillers or healing magic, I'm not sure which." The faintest smile touches Kouga's face again. "But I appreciate the sentiment."

"It's _true_."

"Maybe. Hopefully." Kouga straightens. "But for now, we all take it one beautiful day at a time, and we share the burden. Right?"

"Understood. Properly chastened." Rei sighs as he turns to look up at the ceiling. "Also currently really bored with the décor. I don't suppose Kaoru could do something about that?"

Rei knows that Kouga is _definitely_ developing a very dangerous sense of humor when Kaoru leads a chattering Raiga in a few minutes later with several cans of paint and a tarp to protect the floor.

It keeps the walls from being boring, at least, and Rei never was very fond of white.


	4. Chapter 4

_**6: Indemnity** _

They're both gone.

Rei stares out at the garden, looking whole and serene once more.

A hole in time and space, magic that no one in the whole damn order seems to understand, and Kaoru and Kouga are both gone.

It should have been him. _He_ should have been the one to go charging after Kaoru, should have been the one to take on the suicide mission.

It couldn't have been him. He isn't Kaoru's knight. He isn't the miracle-worker, the one who pulls people whole and breathing from situations that should destroy them. He can _help_ , certainly, and he tries, now, whenever he gets the chance, but it seems to come as naturally as existing to Kouga.

Though that's not fair, not entirely. He knows how hard Kouga has worked to heal the scars of his own past, and how hard Kaoru worked to accept all that the world of the knights and priests contains.

But they've left him.

They've left him behind, gone somewhere he can't possibly hope to follow.

"Uncle Rei?" The boy's voice is soft, wobbling with emotion, though he hasn't cried since Rei came to the house.

"Raiga." Rei puts his arm around the boy's shoulders, pulling him close. "Homework all done?"

"Yes." Raiga's voice takes on a decidedly sulky tone. "Though I don't see why I have to do it. We both know what I want to do."

"Not until you're ten." Rei makes his voice as stern as he can, trying to find the timber and tone that Kouga used to inspire the boy to be on his best behavior. "You know that. You keep up with your schooling and you do what Gonza says, and if you still want to—"

"How could I _not_?" Raiga rips himself away from Rei's hands, and his eyes fill with tears though they don't fall. "I have to _find them_. I have to be like Dad, I have to be Garo and I have to make it better and—"

"Raiga! Raiga, _no_." Kneeling down so that he's on the same level as the boy, Rei takes Raiga's hands in his and squeezes. "You can, if you want to. If what you really, really want is to be a Knight, I'll make sure you get the training, just like your father would—maybe will, we might have him back by then. But it's not _your_ job to go find Kouga. To be Garo. Your job is just to be Raiga."

"But Raiga's _useless_." Bitterness almost covers the grief in the boy's voice. Almost, but not quite, and Rei's heart hurts as he imagines what it must be like for a child to watch their mother ripped away.

"Raiga isn't useless." Rei releases Raiga's left hand so that he can tap against the boy's chest. "Raiga is the most wonderful, important person in the world. Raiga is the boy that Saejima Kouga and Kaoru loved. Raiga is the boy that has an Uncle Rei and an Uncle Leo and an Aunt Rekka and an Aunt Jabi and a Gonza."

Raiga sniffs. "You forgot Uncle Tsubasa."

"I did." Rei nods gravely.

"And Aunt Rin."

"And her." Rei actually feels a start of guilt at forgetting the young priestess. "But see? There's a whole bunch of people that Raiga is very important to."

Raiga still looks doubtful. "Only because of Dad and Mom."

"No." Shaking his head, Rei taps his own chest. "Your dad and mom, they mean a lot to me. To all of us in our little make-shift family. But you, you're something even more special. You're hope, Raiga. You're the boy who makes us smile. You're the future that we sometimes forget we're fighting for. You're proof that we can love and we can make plans and good things can come from that."

Raiga's eyes are wide, and he looks down at his hands as though he doesn't recognize them.

" _You_." Rei squeezes the boy's hands once.

"And..." Raiga swallows, clearly thinking through all that Rei said. "If I want to be a Knight still when I'm ten... you'll let me?"

Rei nods. "I'll make sure you get the best damn trainer I can find."

Raiga nods. "And... I'm not going to be alone?"

"No." Ruffling the boy's hair, Rei shakes his head. "Gonza's going to be with you here all the time, and the rest of us are going to keep checking up on you, make sure that you're okay."

"Okay." Raiga nods. "If that's what you think's best."

"I do." Standing, Rei releases Raiga's hands. "Now why don't you go get cleaned up, and then you can read me a story while I fall asleep?"

Raiga smiles, an expresison that looks so much like Kaoru it hurts. "That's not how it's supposed to go, Uncle Rei."

"I'm pretty sure that's how it's going to go, though." Rei yawns, an expression that is only half feigned. "Now, into the bath with you."

Raiga heads obediently for the door, though he looks back at Rei and shakes his head once, an expression Rei is certain he is just mimicking from one or both of his parents.

"Are you sure that was wise, Master Rei?"

Rei turns to look at Gonza, not certain when the old man walked into the room. "What?"

"Telling him that he's hope." Gonza settles a tea pot on the table, the sugar bowl joining it a moment later. "Given all that's happened... it seems an awful burden to lay on a young man's shoulders."

"Better to be hope than give in to despair." Rei shrugs. "But I'm not sure it's right. Hell, I don't know anything about raising kids or having families or any of this. There's a reason _you're_ his guardian."

"And there's a reason you're the one Master Kouga wants teaching him." Gonza smiles, a tired, thin, but honest expression. "You're more than you believe you are, Master Rei. Just like most members of this family, I might add."

"I think you've just got rose-colored glasses for all of us, Gonza." Rei smiles back at the butler as he settles down and begins pouring sugar into his tea. "But at the moment... I'll take it over the other options on our color palette."


	5. Chapter 5

_**10: Precatory** _

"We really didn't give him a choice, in the end."

"Zero..." Silva's voice is gently chiding.

Rei smiles down at his ring. "I'm not saying it because I'm upset. Just... saying that Kouga was right. When he said that there really wouldn't be much of a choice."

"He could have walked away." Silva speaks quietly.

"No." Watching the boy—Kouga's boy, the child that he has watched grow from curious toddler to giggling child to too-serious boy—walk toward his home, Rei knows that it's true. "No, he couldn't. That's what I just proved, isn't it?"

"You showed him how frightening it can be." Silva's tone is vaguely sulky.

"He knows that it can be terrifying. Nothing I showed him could possibly teach him that better than what he's seen." Better than watching Kaoru—beautiful, wonderful Kaoru who brought so much light into the world of the makai knights and priests—disappear into a hole in time and space, watching his father follow her, training on his own for the years that Kaoru had made them all promise would be _Raiga's_ years, a child's years. "And when you know there are monsters in the shadows, how do you keep yourself safe? How do you keep others safe? How do you sleep at night?"

Silva doesn't answer.

So Rei answers for her. "You learn how to fight. You learn how to wield the weapons that are out there, to be the light that drives away the darkness. The only way to _really_ give him a choice, to really let him be a child of _her_ world instead of teasing him into ours, would have been to keep him in the dark about what we are. About what's really out there."

"He's Garo's son." Silva ends the sentence with a distinct metallic _click_ , her way of adding emphasis. "He would have been in danger if he didn't know."

"And we wouldn't have had him. Kouga and me and Jabi and Rekka and Leo... none of us would have been able to talk with him, to visit with him, because we're too much wrapped up in this. When _I'm_ the best one among us at talking with people not familiar with the makai, we're not exactly inconspicuous."

After a long pause Silva merely says, "Leo can talk to normal people decently well."

Rei flicks the ring on the side.

"All right then, Zero." Silva clicks again. "If he didn't _really_ have a choice, if he was going to be drawn into this world anyway, why did you do what they wanted? Why did you wait until now to start training him? Why did you go through the whole trouble of letting a Horror snarl in his face?"

"Because..." Because it's what Kaoru and Kouga would have wanted, partly, and he does not want to disappoint them. Kouga, at least, is still alive somewhere—Garo has not been handed down to another, though the Golden Armor is sorely missed on the front lines. But there has to be more than that. There has to be a deeper reason. "Because... it does give him a choice, in a way."

Silva gives a non-commital grunt, but Rei has the thought and he can't let it go, can't let it slip away until he's done.

"Because he _could_ run, try to hide, try to pretend it's not there. And it would eat him up inside, the helplessness, the hopelessness, and that would kill _me_ , watching their child's soul die like that. But... he could have done it. Or he could become what Kouga was. What Kaoru is. He could embrace his strengths and face the darkness and say _I will stand_. I will stand and, more than that... _I will be hope_. I will smile and laugh and be a happy child eating a birthday cake and I will also pick up a sword and fight to defend those who have no idea what I'm doing, who bring the darkness into the world, but I will be light. I will smile."

When Silva speaks again, it is in a quiet, soft, affectionate voice. "He learned how to smile from _you_ , Rei."

"What?" Rei laughs, shaking his head. "No."

"Yes." Silva makes her statement with quiet assurance. "When he smiles, it's at least partly your smile."

"Really?" Rei considers for a moment before shaking his head. "Well, if it is, then it's still _theirs_ , because I learned how to smile again—really smile—from them."

"And it's a beautiful smile." Silva smiles herself, metal curving with a gleam of reflected moonlight as he turns away.

"On him?" Rei laughs. "Yeah, I'd have to agree."

XXX

Raiga stares out at the stars, his blanket hugged up over his head.

He is too old to have nightmares, too old to go running to Gonza because something lunged out of the shadows of his dream and tried to devour him. The fact that he _could_ have died tonight—was unlikely to, because Uncle Rei would protect him with his life, he is certain of that, but _could_ have, because Horrors are swift and dangerous—doesn't change the fact that he is too old for nightmares.

So instead of running to Gonza when he wakes sweating, he pulls the blanket up over his head and stares out at the moonlit garden behind their house.

It is beautiful.

He knows that there are pieces of the Makai that are more beautiful, more wondrous—has been taken on trips there, fleetingly, by Uncle Leo, though since his parents' disappearance the trips have stopped. But right now, to him, the garden is just as much a mystery as anything else.

The play of starshine on the pools where Rekka's fish like to live.

The soft, comforting rustle of well-tended plants rubbing together, shivering in the cool night air.

The smell of living things, strong and sure, their roots set deep into the earth.

Drawing a deep breath, Raiga looks up at the stars and smiles. "I did it, Father. I'm going to be a Makai Knight."

He doesn't say he will be Garo. That would be presumptuous and dangerous, and there is still a long path between him and the title of the Golden Knight.

Water ripples and shivers in a gust of wind, and Raiga lowers his gaze again to the garden, inhaling the smell of the flowers that his mother would sometimes draw—the flowers that decorated the walls of his room, for a year or two, though he eventually outgrew them. "But I'm not going to forget everything you taught me, Mother. I'm going to continue to smile. I'm going to continue to be more than just a Makai Knight. I'm going to be _me_."

There is no answer from the universe—no portal opening to disgorge his parents, no change in the clouds to say that his words have been heard.

He doesn't need the universe to acknowledge what he said, though.

The important thing is that he said it.

The important thing is that he _meant_ it.

Settling down on his bed again, the blanket still pulled up over his head though he knows it would be no defense at all against a Horror, Raiga wills himself back to sleep.

He will be Garo, the golden knight, and he will smile as few Knights smile, and hopefully that will be enough to live up to all the hopes and dreams that have been placed on his shoulders.


End file.
